Today is the 10th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, dedicated to all those transgender folks who died as a result of anti-transgender violence. Thankfully, I have never lost a loved one to such an act of violence; but, I would never forgive myself if I had not spoken up and taken a stand on what I see as a growing battle between tolerance and hate.
Background
I have a sibling who was born with all the female chromosomes and body parts. Ever since she was a child (3 to 4 years old) she preferred boy haircuts and clothes. We all thought it was a phase she would grow out of, but she never did. She came out to us, her family, as a lesbian in her late teens, then about a year ago she informed us that she has realized and accepted her transgender FtM identity.
I’m still relatively new to all this and should preface my remarks by saying that the news of my sister becoming my FtM brother completely rocked my world and challenged many (if not all) of my preconceived notions about gender, sex and identity. I still get tripped up all the time on the he’s and she’s and her’s versus his. Nevertheless, it’s important to me that I take the necessary steps to overcome my own ignorance and to let my brother know how much I truly love him.
What is Gender?
For those new to transgender terminology (like me), I think Sharon Vaughn defines the basics fairly well:
(begin quote)
- Gender is innate. It consists of a person’s internal awareness based on neuro-biological conditions in the brain and central nervous system.
- Sex is anatomical. It involves the determination of female or male on the basis of genitalia. Intersex people can have the physical attributes of both sexes. Typically, the characteristics of one sex can be more pronounced than the other, but there can be a great deal of ambiguity.
- Presentation is window dressing. It is the outward expression of one’s inner sensibilities, given one’s anatomical features and social practices.
(end quote)
My brother is taking testosterone, has facial hair and these days could probably kick my ass in a real fight. His gender (”internal awareness based on neuro-biological conditions in the brain and central nervous system”) is definitely male.
Growing up he was often referred to as a boy by those who didn’t know him. These days, I think that happens even more frequently as his ‘presentation‘ is definitely male. If you were to see him, you would not hesitate in identifying him as a man.
To Hell and Back
Coming to terms with being a transman wasn’t a “decision” my brother made willy-nilly. It was a realization that took time and much soul-searching. He’s seen a myriad of doctors and counselors, psychologists and therapists. He’s spent years filled with tearful, sleepless nights agonizing over the cruel twist of fate of being born a man with female anatomy. I can’t even begin to imagine the hell he’s suffered in trying to come to terms with his own body and his own soul.
He’s come a long way in his journey of self-discovery and like most of us, is still on the path. For me, he always has been and remains one of the most intelligent, witty and down-to-earth people I know. I named my daughter after him and hope that in many ways she (my daughter) strives to emulate his goodness, compassion and courage.
Taking a Stand
I shudder to think that my daughters will grow up in a world filled with the kind of prejudice that kills so many transgender individuals each year, so I am compelled to publicly stand and advocate for tolerance and respect. Regardless of your political or religious views, surely we can all agree that bigotry and hate are values we don’t want in our homes or our communities, can’t we?
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*Dedicated to all those who have lost their lives to anti-transgender hatred.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? A fireman? A policeman? Any HR folks out there remember saying, “I want to be an HR Generalist when I grow up”? Anyone?
I wanted to be a neurosurgeon when I was a kid. I’d heard somewhere that neurosurgeons helped people and were also smart; and I REALLY wanted people to think I was smart. By the time I was a freshman in college I had gone through phases of wanting to be a Pastor, a Lawyer, a Social Worker, a Teacher, an Economist, a College Professor and a Theologian … but I never remember wanting to work in Human Resources.
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My weekly collection of interesting sites, posts, ideas and pics snagged this week from the interweb.
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1) This ain’t your fathers Klan:
2) Dallas area Pastor asks his parishioners to have sex every day of the week, even Sunday!
When I first heard superman say he fought “The never ending battle for truth, justice and the American way”, I was inspired. Of course, I was only five years old at the time, but hearing Superman say those words made my chest puff up with pride as I imagined myself standing next to him, my cape flying in the wind, my fisted hands on my hips.
The November 12th Carnival of HR is up and running at Ask a Manager. This month’s Carnival is another great collection of the best HR advice from some of the world’s greatest HR bloggers, including my own article, “Do your employees trust HR?“.
Chris Young over at Maximize Possibility also picked that same post as one of his Fab Five Blog Picks of the week. Not bad, eh?
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You can tell I’m a big HR geek by this video.
While other parents play games like Candyland, at my house we do mock interviews for fun!
I should apologize now for all the future counseling my children will have to endure as a result of my weirdness.
Anybody out there need an employee with the ability to fly in the rain?
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Do your employees trust the HR Department? When employees hear that someone in HR wants to talk to them, do they get scared and suspicious? Or are employees eager to talk and open up with the HR folks at your company?
There are three key steps to establishing an HR Department worthy of trust.
1) Be professionals: Hire people with, or help current HR staff attain, relevant degrees and certifications (such as the SPHR).
2) Act professionally: Maintain confidentiality and a strict level of professional objectivity. Be consistent, reliable, timely and always follow-through. Give employees and management frank assessments, honest feedback and respectful attention. Demonstrate a high level of cordial compassion and authentic empathy.
3) Build a professional HR Team: It is difficult to earn the trust and confidence of employees or management when there is conflict and discord within the HR team itself. Internal cohesiveness is key to the credibility of any HR Department. Do some teambuilding activities and spend the time necessary to create a high level of cohesiveness. Support each other, quickly resolve and work through distracting differences. When any member of the HR team talks about the team, they should use words like “we” and “us”.
Trust can take time to establish and be lost very quickly. HR will not always be liked, but if we are true professionals, we act professionally and we work as a team, we will be able to earn and keep the trust and credibility of those in our organization, through both good times and bad times.
on the sacredness of obligations,
on faithful protection and on unselfish performance.
Without them it cannot live“.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Background: This past summer, my friend, Anon-i-mouse, spent several weeks on the U.S./Mexico border, working with people from the “Centro de Recursos para Migrantes” and “Frontera de Cristo“. He went with the desire to learn more about the immigrant experience and see how communities of faith were responding to what he sees as a true humanitarian crises. He came back with some insights that I found noteworthy. Below is my summary of his observations.
(begin quote/summary)
One day, while on the Mexican side, I had a conversation with a lady who was about to attempt to cross. I explained to her the dangers of the crossing she about to attempt.
I told her, “do you you realize how dangerous it is? There is a good chance that you may die.”
Her response was telling: “I will die from starvation if I don’t cross. There is no food and no work in my country”
It was then that I realized we can never stop illegal immigration with a fence. As long as there exists significant economic disparity between the U.S. and our friends south of the border, there will always be illegal immigration. You cannot stop the famished from seeking food.
The will to survive is stronger and more powerful than any fence, border agent, or man-made law. When immigrants make the decision to come to the United States, for them it often is literally a choice between life and death.
The end to illegal immigration will only come when the U.S. and our southern neighbors can find a way to achieve relative economic parity. Ultimately, the only way to achieve such parity may be to completely open our borders.
I know it’s a hugely unpopular idea; but I predict that the pressures to open the border will increase. People will continue to die trying to cross the border, financial problems will compound and the humanitarian crises in that area will worsen, until the border is opened.”
(end quote/summary)
These days, with all the xenophobes out there, any politician heard to mutter the words “open borders” can surely kiss his/her political career adios. Nevertheless, Anon-i-mouse brings up a very good point. How do you stop the hungry and desperate?
Source
I’ve captured the Wiki’s in plain English and posted it here in hopes that my fearless cohorts in Paradise might one day be inspired and motivated to use this great tool for drafting and posting things like HR policies and job descriptions.
A friend of mine, who wishes to remain anonymous (let’s call him Anon-i-mouse), drew the cartoon below offering an alternative viewpoint on the real cause of illegal immigration.
Seems to me like the idea has merit.
It’s easy to blame lax border security and corrupt employers for the influx of undocumented workers, but are Americans prepared to pay the higher costs that would ultimately result without laborers from south-of-the-border? The economic co-dependence of the US and Mexico (and other countries from which our immigrant populations come) is more complex than some anti-immigrant activists realize.
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Below is a list of eight interesting sites, ideas and newsworthy tidbits to sum up what I found of interest this week on the interweb.
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1) The month of November has a new name! It’s now MOvember (as in moustache!) Tyler over at BC, along with a lot of other manly men, are growing MO’s for the month of November to raise awareness and charitable contributions for prostate cancer research.
2) Democreated.com: “We the people” are creating a brand. You sign up, fill out a questionnaire letting us know what you think the brand should sell, how it should be marketed, what it’s vision and purpose should be then you become part owner. An interesting experiment, it’s success is yet to be decided (68 days left till the brand goes up for auction).
3) Stop Calling yourself a Blogger!: This gem is from David Armano at Logic+Emotion, where he lists 10 great reasons to not call yourself a blogger. I won’t give them away here, but the gist is that the word “blogger” cannot encapsulate your real passion - that being, hopefully, what you write about, your content.
4) “THERE’S PROBABLY NO GOD“. This quote is the result of an ad campaign using billboards and buses to get that message out. I can think of oh-so-many ideas that I’d pay to put on a billboard before this one. Let’s just call this one ‘newsworthy’.
5) The Human Clock: I know this isn’t exactly new. It’s first iteration was launched back in 2003, but having recently rediscovered it, I have to rave. My girls and I are going to take some pictures and send in some submissions as a family activity this week.
6) Create a unique blogging experience: I love SlideShare, and this presentation for bloggers, er, whatever you want to call yourself (see #3) is one of the better ones out there.
7) HR Lori, points to Dead Fish, who found a great list of 10 ideas on How to Work Better.
Interesting article on ethnic Barbies at Seeing is Believing, thanks to anti-racist parent for pointing the way to this interesting post.
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I wish I could get our marketing department here in Paradise to see, understand and take advantage of all that Social Media has to offer.
Neil, over at Only Dead Fish, created this slide show that I think outlines the case for social media in clear terms. Check out the rest of his site while you’re there, good stuff!
I wish I could get our marketing department here in Paradise to see, understand and take advantage of all that Social Media has to offer.
Neil, over at Only Dead Fish, created this slide show that I think outlines the case for social media in clear terms. Check out the rest of his site while you’re there, good stuff!
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
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Some different perspectives on Immigration and the Undocumented Worker:
1) Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes:
2) To lose a job to a foreign national:
3) To be different and speak another language:
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The following is a true story. The conversation below took place a while back, between an Undocumented Worker (hereinafter referred to as UW) and an HRish person I know (hereinafter referred to as HR). The conversation was in Spanish, but we’ve translated here for you.
UW: Excuse me, kind sir. Are you hiring here?
HR: Why, yes!
UW: Great! Only … uh, I need to be honest about something though.
HR: ok…
Before work and blogging, my first consummate love is for my family. I have a sweetheart who keeps me grounded and beautiful children who give me a reason to not work late. Not only that but I’m blessed with an extended family that forgives, encourages, challenges and inspires me.
In that vein, permit me to venture away from the world of HRM for a moment and point the way to a blogger who focuses on the family; and specifically to a post that made me want to be a better husband and father.
Back in August I did a post titled, “Leadership: 91 Movies that Inspire”. At the time I thought of it as just a cool collection of movies that instructed or inspired me over the years. A little over two moths later, (thanks to Google analytics) I learned that it is hands down the most popular post reached by search engine to this blog.
So I’ve updated the list, thanks in large part to some suggestions from visitors and fellow leadership gurus. Here is my ever growing list, currently at 109, of “Movies that Inspire”. I’ve listed them here alphabetically, with a brief “leadership moral” for each one.
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When I first started blogging, imagining I was writing for my son was the only way I could honestly and openly muster my deepest level of sincerity. The problem is, writing something intended for my son to read years in the future left my writing lacking immediacy. Not only that, but it’s hard to invest time in creating a post and not share it with people you care about.
So I told a few people about my blog and it didn’t take long for the word to spread. Once my blogging became common knowledge among my co-workers and family, I noticed that I began running all writing through an “is this appropriate for work and family” kind of self-check. For example, my boss and father-in-law both read my blog and are both very conservative; so I found myself tempering any writings that might appear to have a leftist slant.
I thought about writing anonymously, but what’s the fun in that? I want those people I care about to read my blog. Trying to keep it secret amongst a “few” close friends is nearly impossible. A secret identity known by 20 people really isn’t a secret.
Seems I can’t win. If I write anonymously then my friends and family will not know about my secret passion. Be “out and open” and all my writing will be influenced (tainted?) by my audience selection.
Help me kind readers. Tell me, why do you blog and more importantly, for whom?
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Friday night we had a service awards celebration here in Paradise. It’s success was only because of the enthusiasm and efforts of a few, very special people. This blog gets hundreds of unique visiyors every week so I normally like to keep names out of it. But these special people deserve credit and some very special recognition all their own.
To Lindsay, Javier, Kellene, Dalena, Keegan, Lorenzo, Doreen and to everyone else who helped us plan, set-up tables, chairs, decorations, plants and one big screen - I give you a heartfelt thank you. You made a difficult and stressful project fun and fresh. And with all the negativity that can so easily pervade a workplace, you gave many craftsmen and coaches a reason to smile and remember what’s so great about working in Paradise.
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